Never a bridesmaid, never a bride, but one hellavah friend who shows up, possibly the first and last on the dance floor and understood the assignment of “black tie attire”.

That’s me four days ago at a food and wine inspired life event. A wedding. Weddings are symbolic in so many ways, not just for the couple, but for everyone watching (she raises her hand as the never a bridesmaid, never a bride, as one of the witnesses). They are a ceremony of commitment, timing, and readiness. As I sat there last weekend, I realized how similar that is to personal and professional growth. 

It starts with commitment over convenience. Convenience is INSTANT, more on that later.

While it’s easy to show up for the exciting parts, the wins, the success, a thoughtful leader is in it for the long-game. Even when things might be failing or the daily is dull, staying consistent through the ordinary is where the power and sustainability lays. Personal growth requires the same sustained commitment.

This couple got married later in life compared to most these days. What were they “waiting for”? Were they waiting out of perfection and timing? Were they waiting for divine intervention? Or were they quietly working on building a foundation within themselves, walking the walk and taking the next step when it felt most aligned? Waiting, not out of fear, but out of self-knowing.

Later it is not rushed, not pushed, not forced. Perhaps their method was refined and aligned. Great partnerships comes from leading with your whole aliveness, not from a place of need to prove, fix, or complete someone or something.

The wedding itself is like the activator moment. The marriage is the long journey, the long game, where there must be a daily practice of recommitment (CONSISTENCY) for a successful outcome. It reminds me of one-off growth retreats, incubators, and coaching breakthroughs, the feel of fireworks. These are just the beginning. The “aha” firework feels great and may work for an instant, but the real transformation is what happens in “the after.”

“The after” are those quiet, unglamorous days where you practice what you learned.
In the moments you feel stuck but stay with it anyway. In the discipline of showing up for yourself, over and over again, until clarity becomes embodied truth. Circle back to this post about consistency.

“The difference between people who succeed and those who don’t often comes down to one simple thing: consistency.” –Lachlan Brown

The Beauty of Timing: The Decades of Clarity

Which decade are you in? Which decade is bringing you more and more clarity? If you haven’t heard it already you are hearing it now, “they say”:

You figure out what you want (or don’t want) in your 30s (statistically when most women start getting divorced, late thirties, that’s a shameless self promotion to our “Mid-life Mic Drop TED style talk)

You start intentionally going after WHAT you want in your 40s

And your 50s and beyond, well, at least for women – due to the decrease of the “mend and tend” hormone, estrogen (from the same “MidLife Mic Drop TED style talk) you are no holds barred and ready live more vibrantly, because you’ve earned clarity through experience!

What would happen if we removed the pressure of the “shoulds” placed on us around these milestone decades? Have you ever heard yourself say:

• I should be married by this time
• I should be at this level in my career
• I should have all my family drama figured out

The thing about consistency is that it is CUMULATIVE. Clarity is cumulative. You have arrived at the knowledge and wisdom because you have lived it. This can’t be rushed or pushed into integration. How many times have you “known better” observing someone else’s situation and they don’t do anything about it until THEY are ready?

The Illusion of the Instant: Incubators, Activators, and Aha Moments

Remember earlier we talked about the wedding itself is like an activator moment? Same goes for any big professional development day. While you may find inspiration in these events they are just a spark. A beginning. The real transformation happens in the “marriage” that follows, the daily discipline, reflection, and practice of applying what was learned.  You can’t rush embodiment, in love, leadership OR personal growth.

The Art of Success: 8 Habits of Disciplined People Who Always Win in the Long Run by Lachlan Brown talks about how consistency builds success and is necessary for the long game along with these five out of his eight:

1. Showing up when motivation fades  (the daily dull)

2. They choose long-term rewards over short-term comfort (illusion of instant)

3. They measure progress, not perfection (slow burn)

4. They don’t negotiate with themselves (feeling of alignment versus fireworks)

5. They anchor their discipline in purpose (intentional alignment)

Leadership as a Long-Term Relationship

So now what, Sally O’Malley? She chants “I’m 50!” as an accomplishment. And you know what, it is. Some people do not make it to fifty. My best friend died at 50. There is a maturity of ones person and more acceptance of oneself and having earned enough experience to claim “I’m 50”.  “I’m 50″ be it in a mature relationships or mature leadership both require:

• Emotional intelligence
  
• Consistent communication
  
• Resilience when the “honeymoon” (or startup phase) ends
  

In leadership, “I’m 50” applies to the patience it has taken to see and know clarity of thought and values, and the courage to align your actions with them, or do a high kick, O’Malley.

The Embodied Takeaway

What happens when we evolve personally and as a leader? We begin to integrate what we know into how we live, aka “yoga off the mat” “massage off the table” a wedding every day.

Integration takes time. We can’t rush the result or push the process. The magic happens in the showing up (cue the fancy friend in formalwear and heels).

Here’s to you late bloomer, long gamers, and the beauty of growing into what’s meant for you.

Real transformation isn’t about timing, it’s about alignment. You don’t have to hurry what’s becoming true.

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If you’re in your own season of refinement, clarifying who you are as a leader, partner, or human — this is the work I help clients embody.
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